A Cautionary Tale

I found this while I was on facebook and it seemed to describe a douchebag pretty well. The names have been changed to protect the innocent, but the grammar has not....so don't blame me.



by Ari Boguchi

When I was 17, I met a guy who was incredible. Somehow from day 1 we got along so great. We were always bickering, talking, joking around. At the time he was pretty much more a big brother to me and I always admired him since he was very motivated and ambitious. I always felt something for him but at the time I really thought it was just a simple crush because he was someone I respect and he intrigued me since I never seen a guy who was so in love and faithful and I guess that stuck in my mind. At the time I had to move from Japan to San Diego and I lost contact with him for several months. But somehow he came to my mind time to time. He was just that someone different for me. Days, weeks passed by and we finally hear from him. And I heard his voice and all I heard was sadness coming from him. I felt sad and upset even though it wasn’t bout me at all. I was upset with the fact of I couldn’t be there for him. When he was going through a hard time. Starting that day he would call often and still sadness in his voice. Somehow it made me feel closer to him. Hearing him being vulnerable made me feel like I had to be there for him and I heard exciting news about him moving to San Diego. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to see him since almost two years passed since the last time I saw him. I could still describe the night that I saw him. I got a phone call at work from my mother telling me. He finally arrived and he was picking me up from work. It was around November and chilled night. I couldn’t describe how nervous I was and when I finally saw him inside his car. I didn’t know if I should smile or wave or what. I completely lost track of my thoughts. I was just nervous the whole time. I only felt comfortable after he hugged me and told me “I am glad to see you “and kissed me on the forehead. I never seen him looked at me that way.  That’s when he got me. Yes, I fell for him. That night was perfect and never felt so happy. It continued for a while then it happened. He told me we couldn’t be together since I was young and I had to accomplish a lot in life. Honestly? My world crumbled. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. I lost it. But I didn’t have a choice than move on. I accepted it and did my own thing. I had to live like he didn’t exist to me. Close to two years passed by and when you think you’re doing fine. Here comes challenge. Challenge called “Him “I received an email from him. I was curious at the same time didn’t want to read it. Finally read it. It took me one hour reading that mail over and over and questioning myself. Why now? What now? But it didn’t matter. Since that one mail already got my attention. I forgot everything I learned from the past and just went with it. Started talking to him again through online and he was still the same guy I fell in love with few years back. He was making me smile again. Somehow I had my hopes up and I thought this time would be different. I was telling myself everyday “this time it’s different. This time he’d want to be with me “but wrong! It became worst than I thought. I saw him and that was just a wrong decision to begin with because I fell harder for him than the last time. But you know, I was stubborn. This time I didn’t want to let it go. I couldn’t let go of it since I really thought we belong for each other. I even agreed to something I would never do but I felt like I had to do everything just to keep him. Shame on me huh? I didn’t want to give up. But he made me give up when he just vanished and moved without saying anything. That was a big slap on my face and I needed to go through the same steps again where I started. I realized how much he was affecting my life. But as I said I’m stubborn and creature of habit. I keep going back to something I’m comfortable in. sound stupid, I know. Trust me, I know. Few months passed and I dreamt bout him. It was such an odd dream because in my dream. He was asking to be part of my life. I woke up and had to shake it off. Very same night, of course I get a text from him. The man who vanished and never heard a word from in about five months. Coincidence? I don’t know. Friends advice me not to respond but how can I do that? I needed some answers and I had to get it. That night he came and sees me. I was pissed and mad but after seeing him. All of that went away. Everything he was telling me those were words that I’ve wanted to hear for a long time. I fell for it again. Honestly now I think about it I don’t even know if anything was real. Because now I feel like he was just feeding me what I wanted to hear. Somehow when it comes to him I could never make wise decision. I always wanted to believe in him. But you know what? I’m tired... I can’t fight for somebody who would not do the same for me. Plus in such a short period of time. He changed and the history is starting to repeat itself. And I do not want to be the victim anymore. Every time he chose some other girl over me I thought that’s because I wasn’t good enough for him. That I do not deserve him. But I was wrong this whole time. I got it twisted. The truth is he doesn’t deserve me. And he is not the same man who I fell in love with. The man I fell in love with would never do this to me. He would never hurt me and he would never lie to me. I guess people change. It’s a shame because I love that man who I met six years ago… the man who always had a smile on his face.

 If you are reading this... you probably know where I’m coming from. After seeing that girl’s photo. It hit me big time. I am just a nobody for you. I’m tired of fighting and waiting for nothing especially when I know you wouldn’t do the same thing for me. It doesn’t make sense for me to hold on to something that’s not mine.

I’m done and you probably had enough of playing me right? So please just act like you don’t know me and I would do the same. I did not deserve any of this. Because I was always, always good to you. So I’m still thinking why me? But who cares now. It already happened.

By the way remember the day you asked me why I’m in love with you? So that’s all the answer… ……….. Bye.



Let this be a cautionary tale to all the young ladies out there: Guys will do anything to get some. Don't be stupid.

Hella

Word of the Day:

hella 

definition: a word used to describe when something is in abundance.

synonyms:  very, really

examples: It is hella hot.

               That girl was hella fine.

               I am hella stupid.

I'm Too Sexy

The famous myspace pic. Or I guess now it would be facebook. I really should do a quick check of my own profiles before posting this, but 'heal thyself' and all that. If you need to take a picture of yourself in the mirror because no one else will take a picture of you, you're probably a douchebag or, at least, doing something douchey. And if you posted it on your page, definitely a douche. Or you have no friends. Either way: sad.

Extra points for:

- duckface
- public bathrooms (double points if you left the table at a restaurant)
- absence of a shirt
- flexing
- photoshopping a crappy camera phone pic

Sexy, boys. Real sexy.

SUNglasses

Sunglasses at night or indoors. If there isn't a medical condition making it necessary, it's just pretty stupid. They actually hinder your view, which means you're doing it for "the look." And it looks pretty stupid. Though not as douchey as when you see it at a party or a club, it's also pretty lame when the Texas Hold 'Em guys do it. I get the strategy behind it, but what happened when guys who played had a poker face. Those were the cool guys. Sigh, what is this world coming to?

P.S. I love how these pics always make reference to a former douche sign. I weep for humanity.

Popped Collars

Oh, the popped collar.

I don't even know where this originated. I'm thinking it started with entitled WASPy kids that hail from places like the Hills (I'm pretty sure any Hills qualify), the 'bu, and wherever the Kardashians are from. Somewhere along the line Kanye and Jay-Z picked it up, giving it "street cred". I'm pretty sure I missed a few steps and my lack of street cred makes me unsure whether Kanye has any. In any case, you can probably bet that anyone who pops their collar thinks way too much of themselves and will likely sexually harass you in one way or another... while drinking something with one of those skinny straws that's really supposed to be a stirrer. Am I the only one that has such a vivid picture in their head right now?

Please note the the extended middle finger of Douche in Purple. He's extra special.

The Shocker

It's stereotyping, but it has crossed everyone's mind. There are certain things: specific clothes, the way someone wears certain items...even mannerisms that make you think: douche. I've had several discussions with several different people where listing the characteristics of what makes someone a douche came way too easily. And so this site was born.

The thing that started it all: The Shocker


I was bored at work one day, hopping from one facebook page to another. I started with friends, then went on to friends of friends. I saw this guy that I always thought was "alright looking" (read: I've totally had a crush on him for, like, ever), so I clicked on "photos". A couple pictures in, I had confirmed that I did, in fact, think he was...alright. But then came the click that ended a 4 year crush. There he was at some bbq... flashing the Shocker. That's all I needed, I didn't even bother finish looking at the album. Douche.


The Urban Dictionary has some lengthy definition for it that I couldn't even bring myself to read in it's entirety. Basically, it's a sexual act that involves three fingers: two in the pink and one in the... man, if you don't know what it is, you're better off. It's gross, it's juvenile, and it's stupid for a "grown ass man" to be throwing it up in pictures.

I just googled "Shocker" and that's what came up. Point made? It should be noted that most hand gestures (i.e. the classic "middle finger") in pictures, other than a thumbs up and peace sign, fall into the realm of douchebaggery.

There is only one exception to this rule that I have come across thus far. And that is when the Shocker becomes... The Spocker! 

By default, anything Spock is cool. But the dude on the right? Total douchebag.